Next Chapter Mates

Why Being a Present Father Doesn’t Mean Saying Yes to Everything By Bretto | Next Chapter Mates One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a dad in shared care is this: You can love your kids deeply and still need boundaries. In fact, the two are connected. But most men don’t hear that message early. What they hear instead is a quieter, more dangerous voice: “If I just give a bit more… If I don’t push back… If I stay flexible… If I don’t rock the boat…” Then I’ll be a good da

Why Being a Present Dad in Shared Care Starts With Decisions No One Sees Part 1 of the Next Chapter Mates “Present Fatherhood” Series By Bretto| Next Chapter Mates Christmas has a way of cutting through the noise. When you’re a dad in a shared care arrangement, Christmas isn’t just a holiday - it’s a mirror. It shows you the parts of fatherhood that are working… and the parts that quietly hurt. It brings pride and grief into the same room. Joy and logistics. Magic and absence

By Pratty When I look back at my separation, I can see how much of the stress came from not knowing what I didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to make things harder — I just didn’t understand the legal pieces that quietly shape what happens after you split. These are the five biggest lessons I learned along the way, and what actually helped me move forward. 1. Knowing When We Were Officially ‘Separated’ At first, I didn’t think it mattered when we “officially” separated. We were liv

By Bretto - Next Chapter Mates Co-Founder Most days, my life feels solid. Not perfect. Not effortless. But good . And that didn’t happen by mistake. It’s because I work bloody hard to keep it that way, especially for my son. I’ve got just over 50% care, and I genuinely, wholeheartedly love it. There’s something about being a dad that forces you into a higher version of yourself. He makes me go the extra mile on a million things I would never do for my own benefit. He brings o

By Pratty Christmas used to be predictable. One tree, one house, one routine. After separation, everything changes — suddenly the one time of year that was supposed to feel warm and familiar becomes a negotiation, a juggling act, and a test of patience. I remember my first separated Christmas… sitting there with a calendar and a sinking feeling in my gut. I didn’t want conflict. I didn’t want to feel robbed. And more than anything, I didn’t want the kids to feel like Christma

Life hits hard sometimes. Separation. Step-parenting. Work pressure. Exhaustion. A sense that you’ve lost momentum or direction. When I coached athletes who were mentally cooked or physically burnt out, we didn’t ask them to “push harder.” We reset them. Not with motivation. Not with pressure. With structure. Structure creates momentum. Momentum creates confidence. Confidence creates your comeback. Here’s the exact 30-day athlete-inspired reset I give the athletes I coach....

Most men underestimate this: Recovery isn’t a solo sport. Yes, you can be resilient. es, you can tough it out. Yes, you’ve survived things that would break other people. But long-term recovery - emotionally, mentally, identity-wise - requires connection. And when you go through separation, fatherhood stress, or a major life reset, something happens that most men don’t talk about: Your circle shrinks overnight. You lose mutual friends. People take sides. Your routine changes.

By Bretto and Slacky If there’s one thing elite athletes do better than everyday blokes, it’s this: They stay in their lane - ruthlessly. Not because they’re stubborn. Not because they’re selfish. Not because they don’t care about what others think. But because performance requires focus. And focus requires boundaries. Most men don’t realise this until their life falls apart. Especially in separation. Especially in co-parenting. Especially when emotions are high and everyone

By Bretto & Slacky When people look at Olympians, they see the highlight reel. The podiums. The uniforms. The focused stare before a big match. The moment you walk out into a stadium and feel the whole world watching. What they don’t see is the real story: The choices. The sacrifices. The stuff you give up - every single day - to stay in the game. And the older I get, the more I realise something: Parenting requires the same discipline as elite sport. Step-parenting requires

By Bretto and Slacky Why Nervous System Training Works (and Why Most Men Avoid It) As an athlete, my nervous system was everything. Speed, Decision-making, Composure, Emotional control, Recovery, and under pressure — finals, Olympic qualifiers, big stadiums — the athletes who could regulate their nervous system were the ones who delivered. Everyday blokes need this even more. Because your “pressure moments” happens daily: • dealing with separation • managing co-parenting • h

Today at work, we had a presentation on recovery. One line hit me like a spike across the net: “Recovery is just as important for everyday adults as it is for professional athletes.” That hit home immediately. As a three-time Olympian and Australian Beach Volleyball Coach, I’ve lived that truth. At the elite level, recovery isn’t optional — it’s the difference between performing at your peak or breaking down, mentally or physically. You quickly learn that training hard is

A subscriber story When life takes a turn—like separation or divorce—it’s tempting to look for quick fixes to numb the pain. For many men, that can mean turning to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or even work as a way of coping. The truth is, these habits often provide temporary relief but long-term damage. The good news? There are healthier ways forward. Why Men Are Vulnerable After Separation Separation, whether it be from a romantic partner or a significant relationship, often l

By Bretto Separation is messy, emotional, and overwhelming. If you’ve read the Numb Bloke, the Angry Bloke, the Lost Bloke, the Guilt-Ridden Dad, and the Lone Wolf, you know the truth: the first 30 days set the trajectory for your recovery. Here’s the hard truth - if you don’t act intentionally now, chaos wins. These 12 survival rules are what I wish I knew day one. They’re practical, raw, and tested. Follow them, and you’ll give yourself a fighting chance to stay steady, pro

By Bretto Separation is brutal on your kids. You know it, I know it. And for men, guilt hits hard. Every decision feels loaded. Missed school pickup? Guilt. Argued with your ex? Guilt. Took a day for yourself? Guilt. I became the Guilt-Ridden Dad fast. And here’s the ugly truth: guilt doesn’t make you a better dad. It paralyses you and steals your ability to parent effectively. I learned the hard way that protecting your kids starts with protecting yourself first. Why Guilt D

By Bretto I thought I could do it all alone. I thought asking for help was weakness. I was the Lone Wolf, trudging through separation like nobody else existed. I quickly realised I was wrong - and the consequences nearly crushed me. Separation isn’t just a personal storm - it’s a complex battlefield of emotions, logistics, parenting, and identity. Going it alone is a fast track to burnout, mistakes, and isolation. And worse, it leaves your kids exposed to chaos you could have

By Bretto I get it. You’re fuming. Angry. Betrayed. Screaming at the walls in your head. Maybe you’ve sent that text you shouldn’t have, snapped at a mate, or shouted at your kids when they didn’t deserve it. I’ve been there. And here’s the brutal truth: letting rage run your separation will burn everything to the ground - your peace, your relationships, your kids, your future. But most blokes don’t hear it straight. They think rage is strength. It’s not. It’s a mask for fear

When separation hit, I felt like I was walking in fog. Everything I thought I knew about life -work, home, routine, family - was gone. I had no roadmap, no guide, no clue. I was the Lost Bloke. And trust me, pretending you know what you’re doing doesn’t help. It just makes the chaos louder. If you’re in that place right now—overwhelmed, confused, and maybe paralysed—I want to tell you something straight: it’s normal, it’s okay, and you can start moving forward today. Why Men

By Bretto Separation hit me like a freight train. One day, life had a rhythm—work, family, weekends, routines—and the next, everything was chaos. I thought I could handle it. I told everyone I was fine. But I wasn’t. I was the Numb Bloke—the guy who buries feelings deep, distracts himself with work, booze, or whatever comes first. And let me tell you… that approach nearly cost me everything. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve done the same. Maybe you don’t even realis

By Pratty 1. When Life Got Busy and the Mates Drifted Somewhere along the way, between juggling work, family, and just trying to keep my head above water, I realised my circle of mates had shrunk to almost nothing. When I was younger, weekends were all about the boys — basketball on Saturdays, beers after the game, talking rubbish, and giving each other stick. Even into my mid-20s, basketball was my thing, and there was always someone up for a run, a barbecue, or a shootaroun

By Bretto Separation hits hard. Whether you saw it coming or it blindsided you, your world shifts fast. One minute life is on routine autopilot-work, family, sleep, repeat-and the next, everything feels uncertain (and harder) Here’s the truth most blokes never hear: separation isn’t just a legal event - it’s an emotional event. What you do in the first 30 days determines how well you recover, how strong your mental health stays, and how solid your relationship with your kids