The Numb Bloke Why shutting down makes it worse
- Oct 28
- 3 min read
By Bretto
Separation hit me like a freight train. One day, life had a rhythm—work, family, weekends, routines—and the next, everything was chaos. I thought I could handle it. I told everyone I was fine. But I wasn’t. I was the Numb Bloke—the guy who buries feelings deep, distracts himself with work, booze, or whatever comes first. And let me tell you… that approach nearly cost me everything.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve done the same. Maybe you don’t even realise it yet. You go through the motions, keep busy, scroll your phone, and pretend you’re fine. But underneath? Your nervous system is screaming, your mind is on repeat, and your kids are feeling it even if you think they’re too young to notice.
Here’s the hard truth: numbing doesn’t protect you—it destroys you.
How I Became the Numb Bloke
When the separation started, I shut down emotionally. I thought I was strong. I thought that if I didn’t feel the hurt, I could dodge the pain. But here’s what actually happened:
I isolated myself from mates because “they wouldn’t get it.”
I overworked myself to avoid facing my apartment filled with echoes of what was lost.
I drank too much some nights, scrolled my phone endlessly other nights, slept for whole days, ate a bunch of crap.
Worst of all, I wasn’t fully present for my son - I was there physically, but not mentally or emotionally.
I was fine on the surface. On the inside, I was sinking fast. To be honest I was depressed and embarrassed.
Why Men Go Numb
Men do this a lot. We either go numb or we explode. And society kind of expects it: suck it up, don’t cry, fix it. But when you numb, you’re not fixing - it’s just deferred damage. You’re leaving all the tough stuff to fester until it comes out sideways:
Financial decisions made in a haze
Arguments with your ex that escalate
Losing connection with your kids
Emotional exhaustion that leads to rage, despair, or apathy
You’re trying to survive - but survival without processing the hit is a trap.
How I Pulled Myself Out
I wish someone had slapped me and said: “Face it, mate. You’re not fine. You’re going to burn your life down if you keep pretending.”
Here’s the sequence I used to climb out of the numb:
1. Admit it
I wrote it down: I am not okay.
There’s zero shame in saying it aloud. You’re not weak; you’re human.
2. Talk to the right people
I reached out to three mates (the Rage 4 man) who knew what I was going through. Not casual drinking buddies—blokes I could actually trust. One night of honest conversation was worth more than a month of pretending.
3. Move your body
I didn’t just sit in my apartment feeling sorry for myself. I walked. Movement gave me a place to channel my stress instead of burying it. Lots of the world's problems can be sorted with pavement under your feet.
4. Journal and process
Every night, I dumped my head onto paper. Anger, confusion, shame - it all went down on the page. Not for sharing, just for me.
5. Take small actions
I sorted finances, booked a legal check-in, and started rebuilding a routine. Tiny wins compounded fast. Slowly, I stopped being the Numb Bloke and started being a man in control again.
Numb Isn’t Strength
Here’s the punchline: pretending you’re fine is not strength.
You can’t control what’s happened, but you can control your response. Even if it’s messy at first (and it really will be), it’s infinitely better than letting numbness dictate your life, your kids’ experience, and your future.
Links To Continue Your Journey
Your Move
If you’re reading this and thinking “Yeah… that’s me”, good. Recognition is the first step.
You’re not alone. Men are going through this every day, and there’s a path to come out the other side stronger.
Join Next Chapter Mates — a community of men who get it. Real talk, practical tools, accountability, and brotherhood without judgment. Mates and Momentum.
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