Next Chapter Mates

Why Being a Present Father Doesn’t Mean Saying Yes to Everything By Bretto | Next Chapter Mates One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a dad in shared care is this: You can love your kids deeply and still need boundaries. In fact, the two are connected. But most men don’t hear that message early. What they hear instead is a quieter, more dangerous voice: “If I just give a bit more… If I don’t push back… If I stay flexible… If I don’t rock the boat…” Then I’ll be a good da

Why Being a Present Dad in Shared Care Starts With Decisions No One Sees Part 1 of the Next Chapter Mates “Present Fatherhood” Series By Bretto| Next Chapter Mates Christmas has a way of cutting through the noise. When you’re a dad in a shared care arrangement, Christmas isn’t just a holiday - it’s a mirror. It shows you the parts of fatherhood that are working… and the parts that quietly hurt. It brings pride and grief into the same room. Joy and logistics. Magic and absence

By Pratty When I look back at my separation, I can see how much of the stress came from not knowing what I didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to make things harder — I just didn’t understand the legal pieces that quietly shape what happens after you split. These are the five biggest lessons I learned along the way, and what actually helped me move forward. 1. Knowing When We Were Officially ‘Separated’ At first, I didn’t think it mattered when we “officially” separated. We were liv

By Pratty The financial side of separation hit me harder than I expected. It wasn’t just about dividing up stuff — it was about letting go of a life I’d built, memories, and the sense of stability that came with it. I loved that house. It had a great outdoor area where I’d have mates over, a perfect bit of lawn where I’d play cricket with the kids. Losing it wasn’t just financial — it was emotional. I’ll be honest — I didn’t handle the split as well as I should have. I didn’t

By Pratty When separation happens, money becomes one of the most emotional topics. It’s not just numbers — it’s tied to fairness, resentment, and fear. I didn’t know where to start. At first, I avoided talking about it altogether because every conversation turned into a debate about who paid for what during the relationship. It wasn’t healthy, and it definitely wasn’t productive. Eventually, I had to face it. The bills didn’t stop, and the kids’ needs kept growing. I felt lik

By Pratty Of all the things I underestimated during separation, handovers were the biggest. I thought they’d be simple — just exchange the kids and go. But those moments carried all the leftover emotion from the relationship: guilt, frustration, sadness, even pride. Every small misunderstanding could feel like a battle, and that tension rubbed off on the kids immediately. Early on, every pickup felt awkward. There were weeks when I would sit in the car for an extra few minute

By Pratty When my separation first happened, the hardest thing to face wasn’t the logistics — it was the emotions. The idea of working out where the kids would be and when felt impossible at first. Everything was raw, and even simple conversations turned into tension. I wanted things to feel normal for them, but I didn’t even know what “normal” looked like anymore. At first, saying we’d figure it out week by week seemed the answer. That lasted about three or four weeks before

By Pratty Disclaimer: This post and all associated posts reflect my own experiences navigating separation and the legal processes that came with it. It’s not legal advice — just what I learned along the way. Everyone’s circumstances are different, and if you’re in this stage, I recommend speaking with a qualified family lawyer. The Legal Side of Separation – What I Learned When Life Turned Upside Down When I first separated, I had no idea how much of it would come down to th

By Bretto - Next Chapter Mates Co-Founder Most days, my life feels solid. Not perfect. Not effortless. But good . And that didn’t happen by mistake. It’s because I work bloody hard to keep it that way, especially for my son. I’ve got just over 50% care, and I genuinely, wholeheartedly love it. There’s something about being a dad that forces you into a higher version of yourself. He makes me go the extra mile on a million things I would never do for my own benefit. He brings o

By Pratty Christmas used to be predictable. One tree, one house, one routine. After separation, everything changes — suddenly the one time of year that was supposed to feel warm and familiar becomes a negotiation, a juggling act, and a test of patience. I remember my first separated Christmas… sitting there with a calendar and a sinking feeling in my gut. I didn’t want conflict. I didn’t want to feel robbed. And more than anything, I didn’t want the kids to feel like Christma

Life hits hard sometimes. Separation. Step-parenting. Work pressure. Exhaustion. A sense that you’ve lost momentum or direction. When I coached athletes who were mentally cooked or physically burnt out, we didn’t ask them to “push harder.” We reset them. Not with motivation. Not with pressure. With structure. Structure creates momentum. Momentum creates confidence. Confidence creates your comeback. Here’s the exact 30-day athlete-inspired reset I give the athletes I coach....

Most men underestimate this: Recovery isn’t a solo sport. Yes, you can be resilient. es, you can tough it out. Yes, you’ve survived things that would break other people. But long-term recovery - emotionally, mentally, identity-wise - requires connection. And when you go through separation, fatherhood stress, or a major life reset, something happens that most men don’t talk about: Your circle shrinks overnight. You lose mutual friends. People take sides. Your routine changes.

By Bretto and Slacky If there’s one thing elite athletes do better than everyday blokes, it’s this: They stay in their lane - ruthlessly. Not because they’re stubborn. Not because they’re selfish. Not because they don’t care about what others think. But because performance requires focus. And focus requires boundaries. Most men don’t realise this until their life falls apart. Especially in separation. Especially in co-parenting. Especially when emotions are high and everyone

By Bretto & Slacky When people look at Olympians, they see the highlight reel. The podiums. The uniforms. The focused stare before a big match. The moment you walk out into a stadium and feel the whole world watching. What they don’t see is the real story: The choices. The sacrifices. The stuff you give up - every single day - to stay in the game. And the older I get, the more I realise something: Parenting requires the same discipline as elite sport. Step-parenting requires

By Bretto and Slacky Why Nervous System Training Works (and Why Most Men Avoid It) As an athlete, my nervous system was everything. Speed, Decision-making, Composure, Emotional control, Recovery, and under pressure — finals, Olympic qualifiers, big stadiums — the athletes who could regulate their nervous system were the ones who delivered. Everyday blokes need this even more. Because your “pressure moments” happens daily: • dealing with separation • managing co-parenting • h

Today at work, we had a presentation on recovery. One line hit me like a spike across the net: “Recovery is just as important for everyday adults as it is for professional athletes.” That hit home immediately. As a three-time Olympian and Australian Beach Volleyball Coach, I’ve lived that truth. At the elite level, recovery isn’t optional — it’s the difference between performing at your peak or breaking down, mentally or physically. You quickly learn that training hard is

A subscriber story When life takes a turn—like separation or divorce—it’s tempting to look for quick fixes to numb the pain. For many men, that can mean turning to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or even work as a way of coping. The truth is, these habits often provide temporary relief but long-term damage. The good news? There are healthier ways forward. Why Men Are Vulnerable After Separation Separation, whether it be from a romantic partner or a significant relationship, often l

By Bretto Separation is messy, emotional, and overwhelming. If you’ve read the Numb Bloke, the Angry Bloke, the Lost Bloke, the Guilt-Ridden Dad, and the Lone Wolf, you know the truth: the first 30 days set the trajectory for your recovery. Here’s the hard truth - if you don’t act intentionally now, chaos wins. These 12 survival rules are what I wish I knew day one. They’re practical, raw, and tested. Follow them, and you’ll give yourself a fighting chance to stay steady, pro

By Bretto Separation is brutal on your kids. You know it, I know it. And for men, guilt hits hard. Every decision feels loaded. Missed school pickup? Guilt. Argued with your ex? Guilt. Took a day for yourself? Guilt. I became the Guilt-Ridden Dad fast. And here’s the ugly truth: guilt doesn’t make you a better dad. It paralyses you and steals your ability to parent effectively. I learned the hard way that protecting your kids starts with protecting yourself first. Why Guilt D

By Bretto I thought I could do it all alone. I thought asking for help was weakness. I was the Lone Wolf, trudging through separation like nobody else existed. I quickly realised I was wrong - and the consequences nearly crushed me. Separation isn’t just a personal storm - it’s a complex battlefield of emotions, logistics, parenting, and identity. Going it alone is a fast track to burnout, mistakes, and isolation. And worse, it leaves your kids exposed to chaos you could have