Stay in Your Lane: Boundaries that assist with Recovery (Coach’s Edition)

By Bretto and Slacky

If there’s one thing elite athletes do better than everyday blokes, it’s this:

They stay in their lane - ruthlessly.

Not because they’re stubborn. Not because they’re selfish. Not because they don’t care about what others think.

But because performance requires focus. And focus requires boundaries.

Most men don’t realise this until their life falls apart. Especially in separation. Especially in co-parenting. Especially when emotions are high and everyone wants a piece of you.

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re lanes. Lanes that keep you out of chaos and focused on what you can control.

Here’s how athletes do it - and how you can use the same principles.

The Coach’s Rule: “Control the Controllables”

As an athlete, nothing wasted energy faster than worrying about things outside my control:

• the weather 

• the crowd 

• the ref 

• the draw 

• what the other team was doing

Coaching taught me the same lesson: Men explode when they try to control what can’t be controlled.

In everyday life, your version is probably:

• your ex’s behaviour 

• your ex’s emotions 

• what your ex thinks about you 

• how your partner parents 

• the past 

• the story someone tells about you

Here’s the truth you need:

You’re not responsible for how others feel. You’re responsible for how you act.

That’s your lane.

Boundary #1: Emotional Distance From Your Ex

This is the big one.

If your ex sends a message dripping with blame, emotion, or old wounds, you do not match their energy.

Your rule: Respond like a professional, not like a partner.

Short. Neutral. Non-reactive.

Boundaries in action look like:

• “I’ll respond when we’re both calm.”

 • “I’m not available for conflict. Let’s revisit tomorrow.” 

• “Let’s keep communication focused on the kids.”

You don’t get pulled into the cyclone.

You stay in your lane.

Boundary #2: You Don’t Fix How Other People Feel

This one’s painful for most men.

Coaches tell athletes this all the time:

“Other people’s emotions aren’t yours to solve.”

You’re not responsible for:

• your ex’s stress 

• your partner’s insecurity 

• your co-parent’s overwhelm 

• anyone’s guilt, anger, sadness, or reactions

You can support. You can listen. You can stay calm.

But you do not carry what isn’t yours.

This one shift reduces emotional overload by half.

Boundary #3: Protect Your Energy Like an Athlete Protects Game Day

Athletes don’t waste energy before competition. They conserve it.

Your “game day” might be:

• work 

• parenting 

• step-parenting 

• court dates 

• hard conversations 

• financial pressure 

• mental health days

So you protect your energy from:

• arguments 

• toxic people 

• pointless debates 

• late-night texting 

• drama that isn’t yours 

• over-giving 

• saying yes when you mean no

You do not let the world drain you before the real work begins.

Boundary #4: Clear Rules for Communication

This is where blokes go wrong — no structure.

Athletes thrive on structure. It keeps pressure predictable.

Here’s your communication playbook:

With your ex: 

• text only 

• neutral tone 

• no reactive messages 

• no late-night emotional conversations 

• if it’s heated, pause until calm

With your partner: 

• no heavy conversations when tired or overwhelmed 

• communicate needs clearly (“I need space / support / clarity”) 

• assume good intent

With yourself: 

• don’t break your own rules 

• if it costs your peace, it’s too expensive

Boundary #5: A “Staying in Your Lane” Mantra

Athletes use mantras to stay laser focused.

Here’s yours:

“Not my lane. Not my energy. Not my job.”

Say it whenever:

• someone tries to drag you into their chaos 

• old patterns show up 

• you feel responsible for someone else’s emotions 

• you want to defend yourself unnecessarily 

• you’re tempted to argue

This mantra alone can save you hours of conflict.

Final Word: Boundaries Aren’t About Control — They’re About Clarity

When boundaries are clear, your life gets calmer. Your relationships stabilise. Your emotions become predictable. You stop over-functioning. You stop firefighting. You stop drowning in other people’s noise.

Stay in your lane. Your peace depends on it.