The Angry Bloke: Stop Letting Rage Run Your Separation
- Oct 30
- 3 min read
By Bretto
I get it. You’re fuming. Angry. Betrayed. Screaming at the walls in your head. Maybe you’ve sent that text you shouldn’t have, snapped at a mate, or shouted at your kids when they didn’t deserve it. I’ve been there. And here’s the brutal truth: letting rage run your separation will burn everything to the ground - your peace, your relationships, your kids, your future.
But most blokes don’t hear it straight. They think rage is strength. It’s not. It’s a mask for fear, grief, embarrassment and powerlessness.
Why Men Explode After Separation
Men typically fall into one of two traps after a breakup: numb or mad. I wrote about the Numb Bloke, now meet the Angry Bloke - you know him. Maybe it’s you. Maybe you swing between the two. Anger is easy to fall into. It feels like power, but it’s a false power. It pushes away the people who matter, makes you look reckless in court, and keeps you trapped in the past.
Here’s what I noticed about myself:
I lashed out at my ex in texts I later regretted.
I argued over things that didn’t matter.
I snapped at mates for no reason.
I lost sleep, focus, and energy.
I made points about things just to make a point
All that fury? It wasn’t me being strong. It was me being scared and unprocessed.
The Cost of Rage
Anger doesn’t just hurt you—it hurts everyone around you:
Kids: They pick up your tension. Even if you “don’t show it,” they feel it.
Ex: Every fight escalates conflict and can move things into a legal space.
Work: Impulse decisions and burnout show up in your career.
You: Emotional exhaustion, sleepless nights, anxiety, and a future built on chaos.
You’re not a victim if you explode. You’re a man choosing to damage his own life.
How I Stopped Losing It
I had to find the brakes. And fast. Here’s the sequence that saved me:
1. Name it
“I am angry. I am out of control.” Saying it aloud or writing it down stripped its power. Denying it just fuels it.
2. Remove yourself
Before you text, call, or argue—pause. Step outside. Walk. Drive. Anything to avoid immediate reaction. Rage thrives on impulse. Never reply hot.
3. Vent safely
Punch a bag, run, or journal. I scribbled down every vile thought and destroyed the paper. No one else needed to see it. Let it out, safely.
4. Process with someone you trust
I talked to mates and a coach. Someone who would call me out, not coddle me. Honest feedback is brutal but freeing.
5. Take control in small wins
I created a daily routine: move my body, handle finances, schedule legal and parenting tasks. Small wins anchored me. Anger started losing grip.
Transform Rage Into Action
Rage can be useful—but only if you channel it properly. Energy isn’t evil. Misused energy destroys. Focus it on:
Being calm and consistent with your kids
Stabilising your housing, finances, and routine
Planning your next steps, not your revenge
Processing emotions safely, every day
Links To Keep You Moving
Hard Truth
You can either let anger run your life, or you can take control and rebuild. It’s messy at first. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s the only way to survive separation without burning down your future.
You aren’t weak for feeling rage—you’re human. You are weak if you let it dictate your next 6–12 months.
Join Next Chapter Mates — connect with men who’ve been there, build accountability, get tools, and reclaim your life without the rage.
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