The Lost Bloke: What To Do When You Don’t Know Where To Start
- Oct 30
- 3 min read
When separation hit, I felt like I was walking in fog. Everything I thought I knew about life -work, home, routine, family - was gone. I had no roadmap, no guide, no clue. I was the Lost Bloke. And trust me, pretending you know what you’re doing doesn’t help. It just makes the chaos louder.
If you’re in that place right now—overwhelmed, confused, and maybe paralysed—I want to tell you something straight: it’s normal, it’s okay, and you can start moving forward today.
Why Men Get Lost After Separation
I see it all the time. Men hit separation and either numb, explode, or… drift. I drifted. Days blurred together. I slept, scrolled, and avoided every decision that mattered. I told myself I’d figure it out later. Later never comes when you’re spinning.
Being lost isn’t weakness. But staying lost? That’s a slow bleed that takes your mental health, your money, and your kids’ stability with it.
How I Found My Bearings
The first thing I had to do was admit I was lost. Brutal honesty: “I have no clue what I’m doing.” I said it to myself. I said it to a mate. Saying it out loud takes power away from fear.
Then I built a mini survival map. It's quick and easy.
Here’s what I did:
1. Stabilise the Basics
Before you try to rebuild everything, get the essentials in order:
Housing: Figure out where you sleep tonight, this week, this month. Also buy sheets.
Money: Separate finances, check accounts, make a simple budget. But no big purchases
Kids: Know what’s happening with them tomorrow - consistency is king. Do your part.
Tiny wins here are the goal here. You feel control again.
2. Make a Short-Term Plan
I didn’t map out my whole year—I made a 7-day plan:
Monday: Buy groceries, plan meals
Tuesday: Walk 10k steps, call the kids
Wednesday: Mates chat
Thursday: Gym, check finances
Friday: Journal + swap over day
Weekend: simple time with kids
It’s not glamorous. It’s survival. But it works.
3. Build a Support Team
Trying to figure it all out alone? Stop. Strong men build their crew early:
Mate or brother – accountability and perspective
Coach or therapist – mental clarity
Legal advisor – know your rights, even if you’re not taking action yet
Financial advice – prevent early mistakes
I leaned on mine and it saved me from making catastrophic decisions.
4. Accept the Fog
I realised it’s okay to not have all the answers. Trying to force clarity too soon only increases panic. I let myself take small steps and celebrate small wins. Each step forward was fuel for the next.
Daily Habits That Pulled Me Out
Morning: Wake, walk, coffee, plan
Day: Handle one practical task (finance, housing, parenting)
Evening: Journal, reflect, breathe, chill, shower
Night: Sleep 7+ hours; no late emotional texts
You don’t need perfect. You need consistent.
Links To Continue Your Journey
Hard Truth
Being lost is painful—but it’s temporary. You can take control, one decision at a time. Start with the basics, lean on your mates, and don’t expect miracles overnight. Progress beats perfection. Every step forward is a step away from chaos.
Join Next Chapter Mates – get practical tools, real support, and accountability from men who’ve walked the same path.
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