The Ultimate Guide to Reconnecting with Mates After 30

By Pratty

1. When Life Got Busy and the Mates Drifted

Somewhere along the way, between juggling work, family, and just trying to keep my head above water, I realised my circle of mates had shrunk to almost nothing.

When I was younger, weekends were all about the boys — basketball on Saturdays, beers after the game, talking rubbish, and giving each other stick. Even into my mid-20s, basketball was my thing, and there was always someone up for a run, a barbecue, or a shootaround after work.

Then life shifted. Marriage, kids, mortgage, divorce, interstate work — the stuff that’s supposed to mean “you’re an adult.” But what I didn’t realise was how easily the little connections start to fade. You skip one catch-up because you’re working. Miss another because the kids have sport. Next thing you know, it’s been six months since you’ve seen one of your closest mates.

I remember sitting on the couch one night, scrolling through my phone, and realising I didn’t even know who I’d call if I needed to just talk through some shit. That hit me harder than I expected.

That’s when I decided — I didn’t want to just “remember the good old days.” I wanted to build something better now.

2. Why Mateship Still Matters

The truth is, we all need our crew.

There’s something about being around other blokes that resets you. You can walk into a pub, a change room, a garage, or even a group chat, and suddenly you’re not the guy juggling bills or worrying about work — you’re just you again.

Sport in particular Basketball taught me that. I’ve been on both sides — part of a team that’s tight, and part of one that’s fallen apart. The difference? Connection. When you’ve got blokes who’ve got your back — on the court or off — you play better, think clearer, and honestly, you live better.

And it’s not just about having a laugh. If you’ve been through tough times, you know that having mates who actually check in on you can be the difference between spiralling and getting back up.

3. The Hidden Cost of Losing Touch

Losing connection doesn’t just make you lonely — it slowly chips away at you.

When I went through a rough patch — marriage ending, finances all over the shop, and trying to figure out who I was outside of being a dad and a husband — it felt like I had to start from scratch.

But when I finally reached out to one of my old basketball mates, we caught up for a quick shoot-around. Didn’t even talk about the heavy stuff at first. Just shot hoops, talked rubbish, had a laugh. And you know what? It lifted a weight I didn’t realise I was carrying.

That’s the thing — reconnection doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful straight away. It just has to start.

4. Reconnecting Isn’t Complicated — It Just Takes Effort

We always say, “We should catch up soon,” but soon never seems to happen. So here’s what I learned: reconnecting isn’t about waiting until you’ve got a free weekend — it’s about making the time, even if it’s just 30 minutes.

Here’s what worked for me:

• Start small. A quick text. A “Hey mate, saw this and thought of you.” That’s it.

• Do something, don’t just talk about it. Shoot some hoops, A kick of the footy, a surf (or as I call it trying not to get dunked), a feed after work, or a beer watching the fight.

• Don’t wait for perfect timing. Life’s messy. The perfect time never comes. Make I day and a time and show up, do it regularly and others will come.

• Bring someone new in. I’ve made a few new mates through local sport — guys who were in the same boat, just looking for that connection again.

You’d be surprised how many blokes are waiting for someone else to lead the way.

Linked post: “Finding Your Tribe Again: Why Reconnection Takes Effort.”

5. When the Old Circles Fade — Build New Ones

Some friendships drift for good reasons. You grow in different directions, life moves on. That’s okay.

But it doesn’t mean you can’t build new ones. I joined a masters footy (AFL) team a while back — nothing serious, just a bunch of dads running on tired legs. But man, the banter, the laughs, the half-time chats — that stuff’s gold.

Same with any local sports club — you don’t have to be the best player on the field. Just being part of a team again gives you something to look forward to each week. It reminds you what it’s like to belong.

Linked post: “Joining a Team Sport Again: More Than Just Fitness.”

6. Balancing Mateship, Family, and Everything Else

Here’s the kicker — once you start reconnecting, you’ll probably feel guilty for taking time for yourself. I did.

It’s easy to feel like you’re taking time away from your family, when really, you’re taking time to fill your own tank so you can show up better for them.

When I started catching up with mates again, I was more patient, less snappy, more… me. My kids got the dad they actually deserve, not the burnt-out version.

Linked post: “Mastering Balance: Family, Finances, and Finding Time for Mates.”

7. The Hard Stuff — Checking In and Being Real

If you notice a mate pulling away, check in. Doesn’t have to be a big speech — a simple “You good?” goes a long way.

I’ve had mates do that for me when I ruptured my achilles (yeah seems to be a theme in our group), and it hit deeper than they’ll ever know. Sometimes all someone needs is a reminder that they’re not invisible.

Linked post: “How to Check In on a Mate (Without Making It Awkward).”

8. Your Next Chapter Starts Here

The best thing about reconnecting after 30 or 40 is this: you’re not starting from scratch — you’re starting from experience. You know what matters now.

Mateship isn’t about who’s got the best stories from their 20s; it’s about who’s standing beside you now, through the ups, downs, and random midlife resets.

So if you’ve been thinking about reaching out, do it. Send the text. Make the call. Lace up the boots or shoes.

You never know — that small effort could be the start of your next chapter.

Next Chapter Mates Real talk. Real mateship. Real life. Join the community. Start your next chapter today.