Finding Your Tribe Again: Why Reconnection Takes Effort

By Pratty

1. The Moment I Realised My Circle Had Shrunk

There was a weekend not too long ago when I looked at my phone and realised I hadn’t had a proper chat with a mate in months. Not a quick text, not a meme in a group chat or a quick spray at a mates disc golf score — an actual chat.

When I was younger, my weekends were full — basketball on Saturday, basketball on Sunday, a few beers before or after either. There was always a crew around. But over time, those catch-ups turned into the occasional message, then birthdays, then… silence.

I used to tell myself “That’s just adulthood.” But the truth is, it wasn’t that life got too busy — it’s that I stopped making the effort.

2. Mateship Doesn’t Just Happen Anymore

When you’re a kid, mateship is easy. You’ve got sport, school, and spare time coming out of your ears. But once you hit your 30s, connection doesn’t just happen — you’ve got to put it in the calendar.

It’s not glamorous, but it’s true. Between work, wife time, kids’ sport, and domestic duties most blokes are running on fumes. The effort it takes to reach out to someone, plan a catch-up, or show up to a training session can feel like another chore.

But here’s the thing — connection is fuel, not a chore. Every time I made the effort to text an old teammate, join for a gym session, or just show up to a local basketball game, I walked away feeling mentally lighter.

Even when the chat was surface level — about the Lions’ form or whether LeBron’s still got it — I could feel the difference.

3. Why It’s Harder Than It Sounds

It’s not just time that gets in the way — it’s pride.

We tell ourselves:

• “He’s probably busy.”

• “It’s been too long — it’ll be weird.”

• “He’d reach out if he wanted to.”

I thought all of that, too. Especially after my marriage ended. I didn’t want to be “that guy” unloading his stuff or showing up needy. But one day, I realised every single mate I thought about reaching out to… was thinking the exact same thing.

They weren’t ignoring me — they were stuck in their own heads, the same as I was.

So I took the first step. Sent a message that just said, “Oi mate, been a while. Miss the old days wanna grab a beer and a feed?”

Ten minutes later: “Bloody oath. When?”

Sometimes that’s all it takes.

4. The Reward for Showing Up

A few months ago, I started turning up to local footy again. Not as a player this time, just as a spectator cheering on my local team and supporting the younger generation of players. Id start posting in the old crews chat that I was going to support and before long the older crew started to respond and show up also.

That one small step started a chain reaction. Old mates started checking in again. A few of us caught up for a meal before the game and stuck around chatting and having a beer after the game. My world felt bigger again.

It reminded me that finding your tribe isn’t about going backwards — it’s about rebuilding forward.

5. Make the First Move — It’s Worth It

If you’ve been thinking about reaching out to an old mate, don’t overthink it. You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to have it all figured out.

Just send the message. Drop by the club. Join the social comp.

Reconnection doesn’t happen by accident anymore — it happens because you decide to make it happen.

And when you do, you realise something powerful: your tribe never really disappeared. They were just waiting for someone — maybe you — to take the first step.

Next Chapter Mates Real talk. Real mateship. Real life.[Read the full guide: The Ultimate Guide to Reconnecting with Mates After 30]