The actual payment process

by Bretto

Fair doesn’t mean:

“I don’t like the number.”

Fair means:

• Income is accurate

• Care percentage is accurate

• Circumstances are reflected

• Payments are structured cleanly

Nothing more. Nothing less.

Step 1: Confirm the Income Used

Check your latest assessment carefully.

Is it based on last year’s taxable income? Has your income materially dropped? Did you receive a one-off bonus that inflated your tax return? Are you now working fewer hours?

Real-world example:

You earned $140k last financial year with overtime. This year you’re on $105k base only.

If you don’t notify the change, you’ll keep paying based on the higher figure.

That’s not unfair. That’s outdated.

Request a reassessment early.

Waiting doesn’t “average out.”

It builds arrears.

Also check the other parent’s income is current.

If both households’ incomes have changed, the formula should reflect both - not just yours.

Step 2: Confirm Your Care Percentage

This is where many dads lose money unintentionally.

Care is calculated by nights, not “time spent.”

And small thresholds matter.

For example:

34% care ≠ 35% care.

At 35% you move into shared care category. That can materially shift the assessment.

Real-world example:

You currently have alternate weekends + one overnight midweek = 4 nights per fortnight (28%).

If you consistently add one additional overnight per fortnight, you move to 5 nights (35%).

That’s a structural shift.

But here’s the key:

It must be consistent.

Services Australia won’t adjust for:

• “Sometimes I have them more”

• “She drops them off early”

• “It varies”

You need:

• A calendar record

• Written confirmation of the arrangement

• Consistency over time

Child support doesn’t update informal goodwill.

It updates documented care.

Step 3: Consider a Change of Assessment (If Needed)

There are legitimate grounds for review.

Examples:

• You travel 4 hours each fortnight for changeovers

• Your child has ongoing medical expenses

• You both agreed to private schooling

• One parent is asset-rich but income-poor

This is not an attack. It’s a structured review process.

Keep it factual. Attach evidence. Remove emotion.

The more neutral your tone, the stronger your case.

How to Pay Cleanly (And Avoid Conflict)

This is where many men either overcomplicate or under-structure things.

Payment clarity reduces conflict.

Here are practical models that work.

Option 1: Agency Collection (Low Drama, High Clarity)

Let Services Australia collect and transfer.

Pros:

• Clear records

• No “you didn’t pay” arguments

• Arrears automatically tracked

Cons:

• Less flexibility

• Slower adjustments

For high-conflict situations, this is often safest.

It removes emotion from transfers.

I consider this the least desirable option, mainly as it probably comes with outside expenses.

Honestly try to avoid this if you can - least flexible and you don't control the outgoings (ie tax returns etc). You've probably already paid a lawyer by this time- they are expensive in case anyone hasn't told you.

Option 2: Private Collect (But Structured)

If you’re paying directly:

Never pay in cash. Never pay “when I can.” Never rely on verbal agreements.

Set:

• A fixed transfer date

• A clear reference description

• Automatic recurring payment

Example:

“Child Support – March 2026”

Structure reduces suspicion.

Also makes you a good fucking dad.

Option 3: The Joint Expense Account Model

This works best where communication is functional.

Instead of arguing over reimbursements, create:

A joint child expense account.

Both parents contribute agreed amounts monthly.

Use it for:

• School fees• Uniforms• Medical costs• Extracurriculars• Camps

Rules must be clear:

• What qualifies as a child expense?

• What requires joint agreement first?

• Who administers the account?

• Is spending transparent?

Real-world example:

Each parent contributes $400 per month to a child expense account.

School camp invoice comes in. It’s paid from that account.

No chasing. No resentment. No “I paid last time.”

Important: This is separate from formal child support unless legally structured otherwise.

Do not reduce assessed payments unilaterally because you’re contributing elsewhere.

If you want private arrangements recognised legally, formalise them.

This is what I do - a real-world example.

This school year starting high school.

iPad bought, Sport paid, Uniforms sorted, Camp paid.

All school and extracurricular sorted - we pay for stuff like haircuts depending on who he is with when he needs one. Shoes are me- I love shoes.

We never discuss money as we don't need to.

It makes me a better dad- and that's what counts.

And it 'feels' fair for both sides.

Option 4: Split Responsibility Model

Instead of constant reimbursements:

Assign categories.

Example:

You cover:

• All extracurricular fees

• All sports uniforms

• Health insurance

Other parent covers:

• School books

• Day-to-day clothing

Again - this only works with clarity.

And ideally, documented agreement.

The NCM Rule

Separate parenting from payment.

Do not say:

“If I’m paying this much, I should have them more.”

Do not say:

“If I take more time, you can reduce support.”

That is negotiation via leverage.

Build time. Let the formula adjust.

If care increases lawfully, child support recalculates.

That’s how the system is designed.

The Reality Check

If you increase care purely to reduce child support, that motive eventually surfaces.

If you increase care because you want deeper involvement - and child support adjusts accordingly - that’s lawful and appropriate.

Money follows structure.

Structure follows stability.

Kids feel motive.

Stay clean.

Because when money is structured properly, it stops being the battlefield.

And when it stops being the battlefield, you get your energy back.

That’s where real fatherhood lives.